


Until we meet again

by Thatsonecrazyfangirl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Chapter 84 sucks, Depressed Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Erwin Dies, Erwin Smith deserves better, I wish it never existed, Levi breaks, Levi forgets he’s a clean freak, Levi is sad, Levi misses Erwin, Levi remembers Erwin, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Pink carnations, Read at your own discretion, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Violence, angst ending, levi deserves better, retake of Wall Maria references, sad levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23988994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatsonecrazyfangirl/pseuds/Thatsonecrazyfangirl
Summary: It was as if Erwin was slowly slipping through his fingers and he couldn’t do a thing about it. All he could do was watch hopelessly as his love escaped his grasp.
Relationships: Erwin/Levi, Levi/Erwin Smith
Kudos: 84





	Until we meet again

**Author's Note:**

> My best friend helped me write this! She doesn’t have AO3 but if you have Wattpad go follow her on there! @Elliane_Blackwing

_ “Give up on your dreams and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell. I will take down the Beast Titan.”  _

Levi didn’t realise that Erwin’s death would impact him this much. For years, Erwin’s always been by his side, always been there for him. He’s always cared. Whenever Levi was happy, sad, or angry, Erwin was  _ always _ there. Always. Even when he wasn’t there physically. 

But it wasn’t like that anymore. He’s gone forever. Gone. He was  _ never _ coming back. Yet, the reality of that was not setting in for Levi. He feared it never would. Things would never be the same for him. His eyes would never have the sign of hope, the glint of blue that only appeared when he was around his love. 

He remembered all the nights they had spent together. They now seemed like a distant memory. He couldn’t even remember Erwin’s warm touch, his smile. It was faded. It was as if it never happened.

_ “Levi. Are you going to be alright on this expedition?”  _

Is what he’d ask every single time. He was always worried for him, even if he never needed to. Levi was strong, stronger than him. Or that was what he thought.

Levi never truly understood what Erwin was implying. He was never asking about his physical health. He was asking about his mental health. Would he be okay mentally? Having to witness all the deaths, and being helpless to stop it. 

_ “Tsk. Of course I will be. Stop worrying your bushy eyebrows or they’ll fall off. Go take a shit or something, you look constipated.”  _

Erwin was always the one to chuckle at his shit jokes. Even if they were never funny. Erwin could see that he was trying to lighten up. Trying his hardest to understand the world around him.

Levi couldn’t believe his first intentions. 

_ “The one to kill him... will be me.” _

At that point, Levi hadn’t understood what kind of person Erwin was. He never knew that later on they would be lovers, that he would be the only one Levi would express his emotions to. Levi heavily depended on Erwin. Nobody ever got to see how close they were, it was all hidden behind closed doors. 

Levi had ran at him with a blade. With the full intent of slicing his throat and watching him slowly bleed out. Watch him suffer just like his friends had. For he had thought he was the one to blame. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t. Erwin originally had wanted Levi for his strength, but he would eventually want something more.

He remembered how that same night, as he laid in his bunk restless, his friend’s dead faces swarmed his mind. He felt that he was the one to blame. He had gotten out of bed, and silently walked to Erwin’s office. He remembered opening the door, seeing Erwin sat on his desk reading a book. 

Levi had looked so vulnerable at that moment, like a fragile doll. He had always swore to himself that nobody would ever see him like it. Until he met Erwin. Erwin was an exception. 

Erwin had immediately reacted, standing up from his desk and gently walking towards Levi. He remembered being wrapped in his embrace for the first time. The warmth he felt, after so long of not experiencing it, was enough to make him cry, to  break . 

It had felt so relieving. After not crying for years, he finally felt safe, safe in the arms of  _ his enemy _ _._ Eventually, he would grow to be something more to Levi. His lover, his  _ soulmate _ . It had all felt so surreal to him, that he, too, could be loved. 

Levi had never taken orders from anyone. He was free spirited, he followed his  _own_ path . And he had continued to act that way, even when he was above ground. Unless it came to Erwin. 

_ “That’s an order, Levi. Obey.”  _

He would only follow Erwin’s orders. No one else’s. No one else mattered to him. Erwin was all he had left, without him, he would be _nothing_. He never truly realised how much he had meant to Erwin until one day. 

Levi had wanted a break from it all. So on a random Sunday, he had decided to go into a nearby town for a breather. He didn’t really care for what Commander Shadis had to say, so he just left without a word. 

Erwin had been worrying the whole day, searching everywhere for him. He feared he had left, ran away back to the underground; he feared he would never see him again. But of course, that was all just an exaggeration. As soon as Levi entered Erwin’s office that evening, he was engulfed in a huge, and protective hug. 

From that day, Erwin was always sure to keep a watchful eye on him, which Levi found quite comforting, to his own surprise. 

He recalled the phrase he’d said to Erwin repeatedly. He’d lost count of how many times he had said it to him, he had trusted Erwin with  _ all _ he had, and more. 

_ “Fine Erwin, I’ll trust your judgement.” _

Levi knew he’d follow Erwin to the end of the Earth. He’d stay by his side, he’d protect him, and he’d be there for him. Even when he was not physically present. They had a bond so strong, that even when apart they felt as if they were right beside the other when they were in need of comfort. 

Levi sits in his office in silent, staring at Erwin’s blood-stained bolo tie. His blood was on this tie. In his hand he gently held a single pink carnation, until he gripped it so tight that all the petals crumpled and floated down until they reached the cold, hard floor.

That’s when Levi finally lost it. He cried out in anger and grabbed the closest thing to him, which happened to be a vase with all the other carnations, and threw it across the room. He didn’t even flinch as it shattered and all the glass shards scattered across the floor. 

Levi screamed and screamed, smashing up his office, anger fully consuming him. It blocked out his sadness, his hurt, his depression, and his feeling of  emptiness . He longed for his love back, for the feeling of being held in someone’s arms back. 

Erwin was always present to comfort him after an expedition. And that very thought sent him into a fit of rage. He finally grew tired and dropped to his knees, ignoring the repeated knocks and calls emitting from outside his door. 

_ “Levi... thank you.” _

That’s when he finally realised the clear, salty tears running down his stained cheeks. Those were the last words he had ever said to him. They never had a chance to bid each other farewell, no goodbye kiss, no  nothing.  Levi craved for a sense of relief, but nothing came. He was gone, and he was never coming back. 

_ Fine Erwin. I’ll fulfil my promise to you, I’ll destroy the Beast Titan. And then, I’ll join your side wherever you may be. Be it hell, or heaven, I’ll stay by you.  _

_ Until we meet again.  _


End file.
